A man inserted an advertisement in the classified. It read: “Wife Wanted” The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.