Jokes

Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex

When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing. 

Posted by admin on 07/19 at 11:44 AM
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I’m Still A Virgin - Funny Joke

"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?”

“My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had three husbands! Surely that cannot be.”

“Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he’d get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I’m marrying a lawyer and I’m sure I’m going to get screwed.”

Posted by admin on 07/11 at 03:28 PM
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Sex Joke: State of the Art Watch

One day a man walks in the bar and sits next to an attractive woman. After sitting for a few minutes, the man glances at his watch. The woman, making small talk, turns to him and asks him, "Is your date running late?"

He turned to her and replied, "No, I was just looking at my state of the art watch".

"State of the art watch?", she asked. "And just what makes it so 'state of the art'?".

He replied, "It tells me the answer to almost any question I ask it. Right now, it's telling me you're not wearing a bra or panties".

The woman laughed and said, "Well, your watch must be wrong because I am definitely wearing both."

"Damn!", the man said while tapping on his watch, "This thing's an hour fast again!".

Posted by admin on 07/08 at 11:16 AM
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Guess the Instructions!

Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING!

1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don’t stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please… while others are preparing to go.
10. Don’t take extra strokes.
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Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!
(From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom

Posted by admin on 07/04 at 11:03 AM
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Ugly People Joke

Once there was a bus of 100 ugly people. The bus swerved off the road and they all died.

When they went to Heaven God felt bad for them and gave them each one wish.

The first guy came up and said… “I wish I was handsome.” So God made him handsome.

So next a woman came up and said… “I wish I was beautiful.” So God made her beautiful.

They came up one by one wishing to be beautiful and handsome.

Meanwhile, the guy in the back is laughing hysterically.

God asks him what is so funny. “Oh nothing” he says.

When his turn arises God says, “Okay what’s your wish?”
He replies, “Pfft, make them all ugly again.”

Posted by admin on 07/03 at 11:19 AM
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Funny Cop Stories

Good: A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem-a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.” The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change.

Better: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

Best: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window and flipped open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.” He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes. 

Posted by admin on 06/30 at 11:28 AM
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Getting Older Dating Joke

You know you’re getting older when your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws. 

Posted by admin on 06/29 at 01:39 PM
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